project hibakusha : a personal journey...

it's 5:45 in the morning and i can't sleep. i'm not sure if it's because i have ten million things going through my brain or because my body clock is all screwed up since returning from my trip to Japan and is lost somewhere in the pacific ocean. either way, i'm up and can't go to sleep!

my trip to Japan was in one word - incredible. amazing, fabulous and inspiring would work too. it was another whirlwind tour, my schedule wasn't quite as crazy as my midwest tour, but it was pretty close. i went to Tokyo, Obama, Nagasaki, Hiroshima and back to Tokyo in 13 days. this is my third trip to Japan, but my first trip outside of Tokyo. whoever thought of the JR Rail Pass is a genius!!!

while my first stop was Obama to do a story on the inauguration celebration there (i'll write about the Obama story in my next post), the main reason for my trip was to do research for my hibakusha project documenting the stories of the atomic bomb survivors.

after staying up all night filing my story and cramming in as much travel info as i could in a day in Obama, it was off to Nagasaki to visit the Nagasaki Atomic Bomb Museum (NABM) and the Nagasaki Peace Park.

i had four minutes between connections in Hakata (Fukuoka) to catch the last train to Nagasaki. thank goodness trains in Japan run like clockwork and the gate agents know the schedules and platform numbers without even blinking. after 10 hours of riding the rails and a short taxi ride, i finally made it to my hotel just before midnight.

the next morning was cold, overcast and dreary which fit the mood for the things i was about to experience. i hopped on the tram and found my way to Peace Park and Hypocenter Park where the Hypocenter Monolith stood at ground zero.

on August 9, 1945, 500 meters above the monolith, the second atomic bomb was detonated, killing roughly 75,000 innocent men, women and children and injuring another estimated 75,000 people. everything within a 2.5 kilometer radius was destroyed.

as i stood there in silence and full of emotions, i couldn't imagine what that day must have been like, or the days and years that followed for those who survived. the trip to the NABM would soon answer some of those questions, but yet, so many remain. who were these people? what did they do? why the need for a second bomb?

after venturing over to Peace Park and seeing the Peace Statue and many of the 50+ statues and memorials on display, i spent the rest of the day at the NABM meeting people and looking through old photos of Nagasaki before and after the bombing.

i was surprised with the access i was given to people and photos considering i had no appointment, didn't know anybody and spoke little japanese. everyone was so accommodating. i spent so much time there, i didn't even make it to the Nagasaki Peace Memorial Hall for the Atomic Bomb Victims which was right next door. not to worry though, i'll be going back.

the next day i was off to Hiroshima, where i actually had some meetings arranged thanks to Kaz Suyeishi, a hibakusha living in Torrance, who has been so helpful with this project and gave me the names and email addresses of people that spoke english. without her help, i don't think i could have accomplished half of what i did on this trip.

i had four days to spend in Hiroshima, mostly because of the timing and not being able to meet with people over the weekend. the pace was a little more relaxed visiting the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum and the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Park.

the Flame of Peace burns on, never to be extinguished until all nuclear warheads are destroyed, and a warm glow bathes the Cenotaph for the Atomic Bomb Survivors. visitors from near and far pause and pay their respects at the Cenotaph, where the names of every person who has died as a result of the bombing is kept. every year on August 6th during the Peace Memorial service, the crypt is opened, and the names of those who have passed away the preceding year are added and sealed away.

while much of my experience in Hiroshima was not as moving as Nagasaki, perhaps because Nagasaki prepared me for Hiroshima, a visit to the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Hall for the Atomic Bomb Victims brought the whole experience close to home and left me yearning for more answers.

inside is the name of every person who died as the result of the bombing. you can search through the names and see a picture and profile information. my paternal grandfather emigrated from Hiroshima before the war, so i have family i have never met in the area. out of curiosity, i searched the registry and found out that six of my relatives were listed there. i knew the possibility existed, but seeing their names and faces on the screen was a little more than i was prepared for.

this project has suddenly taken on a whole new meaning, a whole new purpose. it is sooooo much more personal now. despite its enormity, there is no possible way i can stop now. the journey has begun.

i feel extremely grateful and lucky to have met many people on this trip that are just as dedicated as i am to telling the stories of the hibakusha. because of their support, their willingness to help (because there is no way i can do this on my own) and this new found connection of the bombings to my family, as unfortunate as that may be, i feel like this is what my 43 years of existence has led me to.

the 25 years of taking pictures and the countless hours volunteering and helping others has trained me well for the road ahead. i still don't know where my journey will lead, but i'll never know unless i go. so go i must.

digital is not cheaper...

you want it for what? free?

while many people see the digital age of photography as the greatest thing since sliced bread, i on the other hand, as well as many of my other photography colleagues, think otherwise.

while there are indeed some great benefits to digital - faster turn around, greater retouching abilities and instant gratification - the flip side is at what cost does this convenience come with? i'm not just speaking dollars and cents. i'm also talking about the deterioration of the industry as a whole (which i'll address in another entry).

there are so many negative sides that i really don't know where to start...or where the end is. one of the biggest misconceptions is that because it's digital, it's cheaper.

let me say this loud and clear...DIGITAL IS NOT CHEAPER!!!

while there are no film and processing costs and digital media keeps getting cheaper and cheaper, people often forget that professional photographers need to upgrade their equipment a lot more often.

back in the film days, i used the same two camera bodies and five lenses for over 10 years. fast-foward to digital. in just over 5 years, i have upgraded my camera bodies twice and my computer twice. thankfully, i have been able to use the same lenses. my laptop, however, is due for an upgrade within the year. add to that the cost of software and upgrades. as you can imagine, this will all add up into the 5 digit zone. give me back those film and processing charges...at least clients were willing to pay for those!

as a result of this digital-is-cheaper mentality, people tend to want it for less...or worse yet, free. people seem to think that because there are no real tangible costs to copying or transmitting digital files that they shouldn't have to pay for them.

think again.

while there may not be any tangible costs involved, there is still intrinsic value within each digital file. after all, if someone wants to use it, then it should have value.

a colleague of mine sent me this youtube video, which led to me to write this blog entry. although he's talking about a video interview, i think screenwriter Harlan Ellison pretty much covers the notion of giving your stuff away and why people shouldn't expect it for free.


any questions?

on the road...part 3...

this is the third (and final) part of what i sometimes referred to to my friends as my 'midwest tour'. it had been four years since my last trip to the midwest, so i decided to take advantage of the work assignment by staying an extra week and see my friends that live in the area. another perk of traveling for work. if i didn't travel for work, i wouldn't get to see a lot of people that i know.

first stop, Dayton, OH. while Dayton isn't exactly a tourist hot spot (but my friend John sure likes to talk like it is), i like to visit Dayton because of that fact. little traffic, clean air and a sense of safety. of course, if John and his family didn't live there, i would never go there, but that's besides the point.

the highlight of Dayton isn't the Wright Museum, but playing with the kids. sorry John and Ellen, it's all about the kids. it's amazing how much they grow up in four years. the last time i was there, Matthew could barely talk and Brooke was still in a cradle. now Matthew is throwing spirals and Brooke is on her way to becoming the mini golf queen.

i elected to drive because it's cheaper and i get to see the different sights and small towns along the way. did you know that Mexico is located just a half mile off of highway 31 in Indiana?


hitting the road lets me see things that i wouldn't normally get to see. like the Point Betsie Lighthouse


or the Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes


but the best part is hanging out with my friends. i even got to see an old friend that i haven't seen in over 15 years! she found me on facebook. so i got to meet her husband and two kids and explore the small town of Holland, Michigan. something i would have never thought of doing if she didn't live there.

the final stop of my midwest tour was Chicago. it has been over 10 years since i last went to Chicago. a few things have changed, but much is the same. the difference now is that i have a friend with local knowledge to show me around! nothing beats local knowledge. especially when it comes to local cuisine.

if you like vodka and you like spicy, you gotta try the Horseradish Vodka at the Russian Tea Time or any of their 50+ house flavored and premium vodkas. it packs a hell of a kick! or if you need a snack, Wow Bao should do the trick. this ain't your typical bao from sam woo's. spicy kung pao chicken, thai curry chicken or spicy mongolian beef are da bomb! and nothing beats a Bailey's and hot chocolate at the Signature Room Lounge located on the 95th floor high atop the Hancock building with it's breathtaking city view. sorry, i didn't bring my camera. shocking, i know.

this is a reflection of my friend (and tour guide extraordinaire) Wendy and I in the Cloud Gate sculpture aka: 'the Bean' designed by Anish Kapoor.


it's a very interesting sculpture. if you go underneath and look up at your reflection, it's difficult to figure out which one is you. unless you cheat, like i did, and use the flash on your camera, then you discover that there are more than 30 reflections of yourself!


while we were at Millenium Park checking out the Bean, i told Wendy i wanted to go check out the train station that i heard in the distance toward the lake. what i thought was a nearby train station turned out to be just the sounds of a train station blaring from a multitude of speakers mounted to the arches that criss-cross over the grassy field at the Jay Pritzker Pavilion.


Wendy and i got a good laugh out of that.

so in addition to going to Raleigh, South Bend and Pittsburgh for work, i managed to see my friends in Dayton, Indianapolis, Grand Rapids, Holland (MI) and Chicago for fun. so even though traveling can be a pain the butt, sometimes it can also be a trip to remember. hopefully it won't be another four years for the next midwest tour.

happy travels!

on the road...part 2...

as i stated earlier, traveling for work is just that...work. for most people, when they hear i'm traveling for work, the first thing out of their mouth is usually "that's cool". i always wonder what they're thinking. do they think i'm on vacation and i get to go sightseeing and do all the touristy stuff? i hate to burst that bubble, but that is NOT the case. i have to work.

when i'm at home, i don't have to go to an 'office' and fight with traffic. woo hoo! i have the luxury of staying up late (2am) and sleeping in (9:30am). but on the road...and worse yet, on the east coast...i have to comply with other people's schedule and unfortunately for me, sleeping in is usually not an option.

with my body clock on the west coast, the first couple of days are usually the hardest. taking a red-eye flight usually works to my benefit. due to the limited amount of sleep i can get on the plane, i'm usually pretty tired the first night and tend to go to sleep early, usually by midnight EST/9pm PST. that's reeeally early for me! but it helps me get on east coast time faster.

but, as i alluded to in my last post, on the road, there are bonuses. while visiting tourist hot spots usually isn't part of the work day itinerary, that doesn't mean there isn't time to do a little sightseeing, even if it's only for a half hour. so whenever possible, i try to get out and see at least one cool place where i'm working.

at the University of Notre Dame, that one place was the Basilica of the Sacred Heart.


as a former architecture major, i was amazed by the details and the beauty of the interior. with it's Gothic Revival style, French stained glass windows (1870-1887) and murals by Italian painter Luigi Gregori, the Basilica is truly a sight to behold. these photos do not even come close to capturing the awe that one feels in the midst of such beauty.

whenever i go on the road, one of my rules is to eat at restaurants that i can't find in LA. regardless of how much you have to work, you still have to eat, so finding some place worthwhile is of the utmost importance. you don't want to waste a chance for a good meal at a mediocre place.

so where do you go to get advice on local restaurants? i find that the best source is the locals. in Pittsburgh, the trusty doorman at the Renaissance Pittsburgh Hotel proved to be the right source. his recommendation? the Grand Concourse.


located in the old Pittsburgh and Lake Erie Train Station, the Grand Concourse features some of the finest steak, seafood and poultry dishes in the Pittsburgh area. with it's historic setting and romantic view of the Smithfield Street Bridge, the Monongahela River and downtown Pittsburgh, it's a great place to end the day with good food and good company.

if you haven't figured it out by now, one of the things i like to do is try new things. new food, new restaurants, new outings. even in LA, i have my favorite places, but a creature of habit i am not. if you ask me when the last time i went to them was? the answer won't be last week or even last month.

so while i got to try new restaurants on this trip, i also decided to try a new hotel - Hyatt Place.


while the Hyatt name is nothing new to the hotel industry, Hyatt Place is a new brand of stylish living. with a comfortable sitting area and a 42" plasma tv, the room was bigger than your average hotel room and felt a little more like home.

downstairs in the lobby, they have complimentary continental breakfast as well as ready made sandwiches and desserts and a 24 hour cafe where you can order food cooked to order from the menu. for a low maintenance guy like, me, it was perfect! i don't need a mint on my pillow, turn down service or a fancy restaurant. just give me a clean room and towels and linens that don't feel like sand paper and i'm a happy camper. =) and the best part is that they are reasonably priced!

the number of Hyatt Places is still growing, but i hope they catch on. i know for sure i'll be back.

on the road...

while traveling for work appears glamorous to those that don't do it, trust me, it is not all that it is cracked up to be. while i won't say it's a horrible thing either...there are some perks and silver linings (which i'll cover in my next post)...traveling for work is still just that - work. making travel arrangements, arriving early, security checks, picking up rental cars, checking in to your hotel and finding your work location can all be a challenge depending on who is on the other side of the counter. sometimes it's a breeze, other times you just wonder where the heck do they get these people from?

having done more than my fair share of traveling, i have seen a lot of the good and the bad and have learned to prepare myself for the worst. i'm not a pessimistic person, but being prepared for the worst is what makes traveling easier. at least for me it does. not only are you prepared for the worst, should it happen, but you place yourself in the mindset that you're prepared for anything and everything, which is a much better place to be in mentally than hoping for easy travels only to be disrupted by a flight delay or customer service agent in training. i've seen irate passengers scream at gate agents over a delayed flight. it's not the gate agents fault people. i've seen a passenger cry over a delayed flight. it's not the end of the world. stuff happens. be prepared.

i just got back from a 2.5 week trip that criss-crossed the country. i spent 18 nights in 9 cities and a MD-80 (red eye flight). the first half of the trip felt more like i should have been following the election, spending 8 nights in 6 cities and a plane. instead, i photographed my friend's family and then flew out of SFO to work as a lighting assistant on the college preview issue for sports illustrated. which, by the way, is on the newsstands now!

i was looking forward to the shoot because i got to work with Robert Beck, and his number one side kick Kohjirro Kinno (aka:Kojo). i owe a lot of where i am today to Beck. back when i was a punk kid freelancing for Volleyball Monthly, he helped me out, taught me a few important things, asked me to be his assistant a few times and introduced me to a few people that eventually led me to my Lighting Technician job at Sports Illustrated.

anyways, back to the shoot...had this been a normal cover shoot, i probably would not have been called to fly across the country. normally they would hire local assistants to help out on shoots. however, this was not a typical cover shoot. periodically, SI runs regional covers. for this particular issue, they were running six different covers that would run in 6 different regions. the cover in atlanta would be different than the cover in chicago which would be different than the one in los angeles.

for the covers, Beck shot one of the leading players from the men's and women's basketball teams at U Conn, U North Carolina, Pitt, Notre Dame, Oklahoma and Arizona State. i worked on UNC, Notre Dame and Pitt. these are the covers that are being used...


because of the tight schedule, i was the one-man advance team. my job was to prep each location and ensure that the shoot ran smoothly. in addition to being the lighting assistant, i served as the equipment coordinator, location scout and prep person for UNC, ND and Pitt. i helped to arrange for the two sets of 15+ cases of lighting equipment to be shipped from Samy's Camera to UNC and Notre Dame.

i arrived a day early at each location to meet with the Sports Information Director (SID), arena personnel and to make sure all the equipment arrived and checked it all to make sure it was all working properly so that on the day of the shoot, there were no equipment surprises. i also took photos of the location and emailed them to Beck so he could see the location before he and Kojo arrived. i also had to make sure there was enough power available for the lighting equipment because you can't just run a power strip from one outlet to plug in 6 power packs. that would be too easy. instead, each power pack has to be on it's own circuit...otherwise, you'll likely blow a circuit and then you'd have two (or more) lights that wouldn't be working, not to mention a very perturbed photographer, an SID wondering if we knew what heck we were doing and two impatient student-athletes standing around in the dark while we scrambled around looking for two (or more) new outlets. needless to say, it may seem a small issue, but having enough power is pretty essential. most arenas are well equipped, but at one location we were put in the practice gym, which usually aren't as well equipped. this one happened to work out fine.

at UNC, i never saw the dynamic duo of Beck and Kojo as i had to leave for Indianapolis to pick up so more equipment at Robert's and drive it to Notre Dame in South Bend Indiana. after the Notre Dame shoot, i elected to drive the equipment to Pittsburgh rather than ship it to ensure that all the equipment arrived. it eliminated the shipping expense and the anxiety of wondering if it all would get there on time. if it didn't, we'd be screwed because the shoot was scheduled for saturday morning (but changed to the afternoon) and there would be no time to get replacement gear shipped in.

i didn't mind the driving so much. it wasn't all in one day (14 hours total) and i got to see the changing colors of fall in the midwest.


getting to see things outside of Southern California is one of the bonuses of traveling for work.

when i got to Pitt, the SID was surprised at the amount of gear i arrived with. not just because it was 15 cases, but that i was actually able to pack it all in my SUV rental. he, as well as most people, didn't realize how much equipment was needed for a cover shoot. sometimes it amazes me. but we bring what we need and then a little extra, just in case, because you never know what might happen. part of being prepared for the worst.

so why doesn't SI hire photographers who live near the location of the shoots? they could save so much money on travel and shipping expenses. the simple answer is for consistency. as you can see from the covers, they are all very similar. there may have been a little retouching done on the background to clean it up, but for the most part, the cover is the way Beck shot it. if you were to send a detailed lighting diagram, a sample image and hire six different photographers, you would still get six different photos of varying quality that would require more post production work to create a consistent looking cover.

the other obvious answer is that SI has the best sports photographers in the world and even though the price tag to ship equipment and fly everyone around the country may be high, the consistent result is worth the expense. using the same photographer, the same set-up means getting the shot right in the camera and ultimately very little post production work for the art department. quality is of the utmost importance. this is why SI is the best sports publication in the world.

if you want to see the covers bigger, click here to see a multimedia show.

or you can see them here in the SI vault.

be like water...

after some very serious introspection and soul searching, i have found that new direction that i alluded to in my last post. for those that know me really well, you know that my two passions in life are being creative and helping others. for over half of my life, i have taken pictures to quench my creativity and volunteered my time to many worthy causes to help those that are less fortunate.

but for the past few years, i seem to have lost that edge i used to have. the fire that once burned inside had dwindled to a mere flicker. like the pilot light on a gas stove. perhaps it had even burned out. maybe i was burnt out.

this past week, however, someone (or something) turned the knob to high. perhaps it was the ghost of Bruce Lee in the East West Players recent production of Be Like Water. A story of a 13 year old gung fu fanatic tomboy who is visited by the ghost of Bruce Lee and learns the true meaning of strength and water.

"Don't get set into one form, adapt it and build your own, and let it grow, be like water. Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water. Now you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup; You put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle; You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend."

many of my philosophies on life turned out to be the same as Bruce Lee's. as a kid, i loved watching his movies. Enter the Dragon, Fists of Fury...perhaps subconsciously his words stuck in my head. too bad his skills didn't magically manifest themselves in me as well.

somehow, Bruce always seems to make an appearance in my life as well. 13 years ago, i was on assignment in Athens, Greece and i was taking pictures of the local gypsy people near the harbor and one man came up to me and said i looked like Bruce Lee, and then he struck a martial arts pose.

earlier this year, i was in Japan on vacation and my friend and i were wandering the streets near chinatown in Yokohama and we came across a red roll-up door with a couple of portraits of Bruce Lee painted on it. well, i had to take a picture with my own martial arts pose. the Greek guy did a better pose than i did.

as you can see, it looks like Bruce is ready to knock my head off for having such bad form! ha ha!

after watching Be Like Water, and being very impressed by the production, it really made me think about what i was doing and where i was going. the past few years i have been trying to find a project that i could really get involved with. one that would combine both my passion for creativity and helping others.

that project has now become quite clear now...Hibakusha. Hibakusha is a Japanese term often used to describe the people who survived the atomic bombings at Hiroshima and Nagasaki. the literal translation is "explosion-affected people". loosely translated, the term also refers to others outside of Japan who have also suffered from the fallout of atomic bomb testing and exposure to radiation.

the average age of Hibakusha in Japan is over 75 years old. as time marches on, many Hibakusha don't have much time left.

so i have made it my mission to photograph 65 (or more) Hibakusha from around the world and exhibit the prints in LA and Hiroshima in august, 2010 to mark the 65th anniversary of the bombings.

nobody really knows how many innocent lives were lost, but estimates place it at well over 200,000 while countless more lives were changed forever.

despite the atrocity of the bombings and the tragic losses, the threat of a nuclear war still looms. while North Korea has begun dismantling its nuclear reactors, other countries like the US, Russia and Pakistan possess nuclear weapons with the added fear that other nations like Iran are trying to develop their own. [May 2009 update: NK has resumed nuclear and missile testing]

so the ultimate goal is to not only have the the exhibit travel around the world, but to also publish a book to be sent to the leaders who possess the power to disarm. the book would not be one filled with too many words...let's face it, the world leaders probably won't take the time to read it. but instead, it will be filled with pictures of the survivors and each will be accompanied by a quote from the survivors.

the book will hopefully serve as a reminder of the horrors that a nuclear war can unleash. nuclear warheads today are far more powerful and destructive than the two that were dropped on Japan and no one should have to experience the pain and suffering that the Hibakusha have had to endure for the past 63 years.

i'm not exactly sure what lies ahead, but i will have a new perspective on the world and i predict it will be life altering, not just for me, but for many others. whatever difficulties i may encounter, surely it will be nothing compared to what the Hibakusha have endured. and if times get tough, i'll just have to ask, "What would Bruce say?" "Be like water."